


You're Dating the Gym Teacher?!

by Cumberbatch Critter (ivelostmyspectacles)



Series: Mommy and Daddy's World Hopping - Between the Pages [7]
Category: Shiritsu Horitsuba Gakuen, Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gen, M/M, Meeting the Parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-04-27 05:01:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5034739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivelostmyspectacles/pseuds/Cumberbatch%20Critter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurogane sighed and raised his eyes skyward - help me, anyone, <i>please </i>- and then looked back at Fai. "Fine."</p><p>"You will?!" Fai's eyes should not light up like that just because Kurogane was going to pretend to be his boyfriend. "Kuro-san-sensei, you-"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Act I

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PokeChan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PokeChan/gifts).



> So, PokeChan asked for fake dating troupe in Horitsuba Gakuen and... I've been working _so_ slowly on this but have enough to post the first part. (There'll be three~) I HOPE YOU LIKE IT~
> 
> I do not own _Shiritsu Horitsuba Gakuen_ or _Tsubusa: Reservoir Chronicle_.
> 
> Stay tuned~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so Fai has a proposal.
> 
>  
> 
> **Before**

"Kuro-rin-sensei..."

"Urk- what the hell are you doing?!"

"Waiting for you, silly!"

"Who lurks behind someone else's car??"

Fai shrugged, propping his elbows on the boot of the car and putting his chin in his hands. "I have a request, Kuro-rin-sensei," he said innocently. Sweetly. Too sweetly.

Kurogane narrowed his eyes. "What do you want now, chemist?"

Fai made a noise that was evidently supposed to be a whine, lips pushing out in a pout. And still, he managed to say in a perfectly serious voice "I'm in trouble, Kuro-sama."

It would be more believable without the tone, but it still prodded at the back of Kurogane's mind incessantly. He had to ask, now. "Why are you in trouble?"

Fai's elbows slipped off the car. He wound around to lean against the back of the car instead, looking up at the sky. "So, my parents are coming to town."

Kurogane looked at him warily. He didn't know much about the Flourite family. He hadn't know about Yuui right up until the day that they had gone on that ridiculous treasure hunt. So he wasn't sure what to expect when Fai said his parents were coming home. He was either being serious, and there was family drama, or he was being juvenile, and making a big deal out of nothing.

He leaned against the car next to Fai, crossing his arms. "And?"

" _Well_..." Fai cocked his head, looking at Kurogane from the corner of his eye. "I may have... been lying to them the past few years."

"Point being?" _Everybody lies_ , Kurogane said mentally. Plus, Fai wasn't the best advocate for exactly telling the truth.

Fai laughed, running his fingers through his hair. "It's not exactly a little lie."

"Well are you gonna tell me or what?"

"I told them I've been dating someone."

Well... _that_... was not what Kurogane had been expecting. He looked at Fai, the corners of his mouth pulled down. "So what?"

"Well, I'm not, obviously!"

"I know that," Kurogane replied. "But what's the big deal? Just tell them you were lying."

Fai gasped, like Kurogane was the one in the wrong. "I can't tell my parents that I lied to them for three years!"

Kurogane scoffed. _Three years?_ "You really don't do anything by halves, do you? Why are you telling me this, anyway?"

"Weeeeelllllll."

And there he went, drawing the word out to unnecessary length, with that tone in his voice, and Kurogane suddenly had a sneaking suspicion-

"I've only got a couple friends here from school, and you-"

"No!" Kurogane interrupted. "No way!"

Whatever semblance of being calm that Fai had been building his facade on shattered. "Why not, Kuro-tan???" he whined, abandoning staring off into the distance to instead plant himself in front of Kurogane, hands on his hips as if a stern expression would sway Kurogane either way. "I just need you to pretend to my boyfriend this weekend, until they leave!"

"Not a chance! Why don't you ask Ichihara-san or something?? Why _me_?"

"You know asking Yuuko-chan-sensei is a bad idea!" And then, abandoning the hands on his hips, Fai leaned forward into Kurogane's personal bubble, gripping tightly at his track jacket. " _Pleeeease_ , Kuro-kun? I swear I won't burst into your office anymore if you do this for me! I won't play any more pranks on you! I'll tell Yuuko-san to lay off of you, too! Please? All I need is you to hold my hand. Say that you think I'm pretty. Make my mom happy. Pretty please?"

Kurogane growled, turning his head away.

"Kuuuuro-riiiiin." Fai tugged on his jacket. "I won't ask for anything else again."

"Yes, you will." Kurogane sighed and raised his eyes skyward - help me, anyone, _please_ \- and then looked back at Fai. " _Fine_."

"You will?!" Fai's eyes should not light up like that just because Kurogane was going to pretend to be his boyfriend. "Kuro-san-sensei, you-"

Kurogane reached over, putting his hand against Fai's forehead as the blonde came in for presumably a hug. "That's close enough, ponytail. Save it for this weekend."

Fai pouted a bit but took a few steps back. " _Thank_ you, Kuro-san-sensei! I'll make it up to you. I'll have Watanuki-kun make you okonomiyaki."

"Don't bother the kid," Kurogane grumbled. "Ask your brother. Or you could just make it yourself."

"Maybe we'll make okonomiyaki for dinner this weekend. I'll talk to Yuui."

"And saké."

"Hmm?"

Kurogane pushed away from the back of his car, heading up the path to his door. "Saké. I'll need saké to get through this weekend."

"Yep, we'll have lots of liquor!"

Because that was a good thing to have when your parents came around. He wondered if they were at all like Fai, or if they were more like Yuui. There was a stark contrast between them both, and Kurogane had to admit he was a little bit curious as to who the Flourite parents were. He glanced over his shoulder. "Don't loiter in my driveway," he said. "Either go home or come in."

"Okay~" Fai followed Kurogane up the path.

Of course that would be option he chose.

　

 

"No. No way."

"But, Kuro-sama-sensei!"

Kurogane crossed his arms, scowling. "No way in hell. I already agreed to be your pretend boyfriend, I'm not wearing the monkey suit." He was just meeting his parents. Why did it have to be a black tie affair?

"But you look good in a suit, Kuro-san!"

"When have you even seen me in a suit."

"Opening ceremonies," Fai replied. "What did you plan on wearing, then?"

Kurogane shrugged. "I dunno," he said, glancing down at the track uniform. "Probably not this."

Fai huffed quietly, leaning forward to prop his elbows on the desk. "At least wear the shirt," he said, pushing his hair out of his eyes. "Yuui and I'll be dressed nicely. This is the first time we've seen our parents in a long while."

"Hn. Anything I should know?" he asked, leaning back in the chair.

"No, not particularly, I don't think," Fai replied, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "We all get on good, they just live abroad now. In Sweden!"

" _Sweden?_ "

"They're multi-lingual, don't worry. Anyway, I thought we could come up with the way that we met and things. You know, to corroborate our stories!"

"It's your parents, not a police inquiry."

"But it's more fun this way~" Fai chirped. "So clearly we've been dating for three years-"

"I've barely even known you for three years."

"We met here at school!"

"Well, that part's not a lie."

"And it was love at first sight~"

"Why did it have to be?"

"For our first date, you took me to see a movie."

"Seriously?"

"And you held my hand during the scary parts~"

"WHO SAID THIS WAS A HORROR MOVIE?! AND WHY AM I HOLDING _YOUR_ HAND?!?"

"And we had our first kiss a week later on our second date, which was only to a café, but you had whipped cream just _there_ -"

"What the hell is happening..." Now it was his turn to slump forward, elbows on the desk, although to put his head in his hands. What had he gotten himself into?

"Uuwaah~ that's so _romantic_! _♥ "_

Kurogane flinched as Yuuko's face appeared outside the window. "What are you doing out there?!"

"Kurogane-sensei's such a tease, isn't that right?"

"Kuro-san-sensei's been a tease since the day we started dating!" Fai replied.

"We're not _actually_ dating!"

"That's not how you win someone over, Kurogane-sensei. You have to live in the lie to make it believable!" Yuuko replied, letting herself in the window (as usual). Would it kill these people to use a door every once in awhile??

"Thanks, but I don't need any fake dating advice from _you_ ," Kurogane muttered.

"Boo." Yuuko pouted, but abandoned her teasing almost immediately to rummage through the fridge.

That was... unexpected.

Suspicious.

Even more suspicious when she grabbed lunch from said fridge and headed for the door without saying anything, or without Fai saying anything. Kurogane's eyes shifted between the two. He didn't want to know, but... it was _too_ strange, and when Fai _and_ Yuuko were acting strange, he worried for his safety. "Okay, what's going on."

"Wuzzat?"

"What are you two up to?"

Fai gasped dramatically. "Kuro-sensei, you don't think I'm keeping secrets from you, do you?? Secrecy leads to broken relationships early on!"

"You-!"

"Fai-sensei gave me strict orders not to bother Kurogane-sensei because he's helping him out this weekend," Yuuko said, frowning over the canned coffee she was opening.

Kurogane raised his eyebrows.

Fai shrugged. "I told you I'd have her lay off of you."

"Which makes my day boring," Yuuko said. " _But_ Fai-sensei gave me a special bottle of saké to make up for it, so it's almost okay!"

"Almost..." Kurogane sighed. "You're really in debt for this weekend, aren't you?" he asked of Fai, who only smiled in his usual way and held his hands aloft.

"Only the best for family! So I'll expect you tomorrow at three?"

"Yeah yeah yeah," Kurogane muttered.


	2. Act II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so Kurogane-sensei meets the parents.
> 
>  
> 
> **During**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Considering we have basically nothing to go on as far as Fai's parents, I went with the Horitsuba vibe and said the Flourite parents are _not_ horrific. ~~I also thought about making one of them named Ashura but then I thought that would kill the vibe a bit so I didn't but I thought about it also Yuui snuck in majorly kthnx~~

This was completely ridiculous, Kurogane thought, as he tried to smooth a stubborn wrinkle out of the pressed shirt. Why did he have to dress up. Actually, he still didn't know why this was a thing. How had he let Fai talk him into pretending to be his boyfriend?

And plus, was this whole atmosphere was getting to him or something, because was he feeling _nervous_? No, of course not.

"This is ridiculous," he muttered out loud, in time for the front door to Fai's home to open. He straightened up a bit reflexively; then relaxed when it was only Fai, who slipped outside and closed the door behind him.

"Hi," Fai said quickly, leaning back against the door. "You look nice!"

Kurogane grunted, letting his eyes dart along Fai's choice of attire. "So do you, I guess."

It wasn't a lie. Fai was wearing a button-down like Kurogane's, currently tugging at the untied tie around his neck uselessly. "Yuui has them inside, they just got here, I was still changing. And this tie is not working. Ahahah."

Kurogane rolled his eyes, grabbing the tie to pull Fai the half foot closer so he could tie it for him. "Why're you so nervous. It's just your parents."

Fai breathed out. His breath smelled like peppermint tea, and Kurogane could smell his shampoo. This was going to be a pain. "I just want them to be happy," Fai said shortly, in a much softer voice than Kurogane was used to hearing on his overly exuberant co-worker. "And proud."

"... If they're not already proud, then they're stupid." Kurogane finished tying it, and let it fell to Fai's chest.

Fai laughed slightly. "Don't say that to them~ It's just... we had some family trouble, when Yuui left and I was still at home... my uncle..." he trailed off.

Kurogane wondered what was going on beneath that unkept ponytail.

Fai bounced back, though, grinning as he twirled a piece of hair around his finger. "Wellllll, I'm sure they will be proud, my boyfriend's the best, after all~" he said, and grabbed Kurogane's arm. "Let's go in!"

Kurogane blew out a breath. Not as though he had a say in it, anyway, being dragged into the house.

"Mooom~ Daaad~ Kuro-sam- ahhh, Kuro-chii's here~" His hand slid down to Kurogane's, almost automatically, instinctually. His fingers were soft and warm and inviting, completely unlike when he was grabbing Kurogane's hand to drag him into something against school policy or drunken shenanigans.

Kurogane was still staring at their hands when the Flourite parents came into the hallway. He looked up.

"Mother, Father, this is Kurogane. Kuro-chii, these are my parents!"

"It's so lovely to meet you! Fai talks about you all the time. Please, call me Leika. This is my husband, Kaede."

Easy to see where the blondes got their looks from, Kurogane thought, as he bowed politely. "The pleasure is mine."

"So, you're my son's boyfriend?" Kaede asked, looking intently at him.

Kurogane raised an eyebrow. "Evidently." Fai nudged him and Kurogane forced the most polished smile, wiggling his hand free of Fai's to instead sling his arm around the blonde's skinny waste. "Three years now," he ground out, still smiling, and pressed his fingers into Fai's hip - _you're going to pay for this later, chemist, wait and see._

Fai laughed out loud and wound his arms around Kurogane, leaning against his side. "He's such a good boyfriend~" Kurogane steeled himself as not to fall over as Fai called "Yuui~ is dinner ready~?"

"You can come in."

"Alright!" Fai bounded over to his parents and took either of his mother and father's hands. "You haven't had Yuui's cooking in awhile, have you? He's gotten even better since becoming a teacher at Horitsuba Academy!"

Kurogane rolled his eyes and followed after Fai and his parents into the dining room, although he continued into the kitchen instead of taking his seat. Yuui was rummaging through the fridge.

"What can I help with?" Kurogane intoned, and Yuui jumped, glancing over his shoulder. He was wearing the glasses that Kurogane saw from time to time. He wondered if he was half blind like the chemist could be.

"Oh, Kurogane-sensei. You should be with Fai. I'm okay here."

Kurogane let his eyes rove over the kitchen. "You're swamped," _and not with okonomiyaki_. He'd worry about that later. "Let me help. Make your parents believe I'm courteous."

"But you are courteous, Kurogane-sensei." Yuui smiled, pushing the glasses up his nose. "I was just finishing a dressing, if you wanted to take the appetizers to the table."

"Okay." Kurogane turned for the dishes that were set aside, carrying them into the dining room. Even if it wasn't okonomiyaki, Yuui _was_ a great cook and often brought snacks for them to work. Dinner would be good. Better than Kurogane could make himself, anyway.

"Kuro-ku- oh, there you are." Fai nearly walked into him. "Oh, food! Kuro-kun, you don't have to do that."

"It's for your parents, right?" Kurogane interrupted. "We can't make them help," he said, and set the dishes down on the table. "So, I'll help where I can." He turned to Kaede and Laika. "Can I get you two something to drink?" Now he just felt like a waiter.

Well, when in Rome.

... Whatever that saying was.

Five minutes later, they were all seated around the table, surrounded by Yuui's dinner and casual, catching-up conversation. Kurogane's stomach was growling, and he stared at the food.

"So, Kurogane-san."

Kurogane tore his attention away to Laika.

"You're a teacher, like Fai, right?" she asked.

"Well." Kurogane pursed his lips. "Yes. Sort of, I teach physical education. So I'm nowhere near as immersive as your son is regarding teaching. Chemistry is in a whole different range. Fai's... really smart." He almost missed out on Fai's look of surprise as they started to serve themselves.

"Well, we've known that since he was young. He and Yuui, they both got exemplary grades while they were in school. Perfect children, weren't they, honey?"

"Yeah."

"Until high school, of course, when they started to get into trouble," Laika continued, looking fondly at her sons.

Kurogane raised his eyebrows. "Trouble?"

"Any 'trouble' we got into, was entirely my brother's fault," Yuui said calmly, folding his napkin in his lap.

Fai gasped. "No, Yuui! That's not true! You got me in trouble once!"

Yuui gave him a look that Kurogane took to mean, quite simply, _really?_ "That wasn't my fault, either. You made me."

"I did not!"

Kurogane was certain he was missing something, although he simply murmured an _itadakimasu_ before beginning to eat.

"Well, you know how they are," Laika said, smiling at him from across the table.

"Oh. I know." Kurogane looked mostly at Fai as he said this. "Too much, I know, actually."

"Is he still causing trouble at school?"

Fai's eyes widened slightly. Kurogane grinned and looked back at Laika, swallowing his bite of food before speaking again. "Now and again," he said truthfully, thinking of all the times... everyday, really.

"Kuro-kun," Fai said, nudging him. "Don't tell mom and dad that!"

"They wouldn't believe you if Kurogane-sensei said otherwise," Yuui said.

"Yuui!"

Kurogane smiled at the laughter as he tucked back into dinner. Well, it wasn't going as badly as he thought it might have. They seemed nice, Fai and Yuui's parents. And if he could just-

"So," Laika continued, "how did you two meet? At the school?"

Fai swallowed. "Yes! We-"

"Why don't you let Kurogane-san tell us?" Kaede said.

Man, he was watching him like a hawk. What a nerveracking guy. But, it only made Kurogane a tiny bit uncomfortable. He had no intentions with Fai, so there was no way he could get it wrong. Surely.

Kurogane sipped at his water, and set the cup aside. "Sure," he said. "We did meet at school." Now what had Fai told him the other day? Had he only just said _love at first sight_? That wasn't a story. He'd made up his own, then. It was Fai's fault for not specifying.

"So, I asked him out." He felt Fai's eyes on him, and _did not_ look at him. "I thought he was cute. When you live in a place like Horitsuba Academy, you know everybody and anybody. So this blonde-hair guy moves in and decides to take up a job where he can blow up things in a laboratory. Kind of exciting, and all."

Now he did look at Fai, who was looking back at him like... what was that face, even? Good? Bad? Well, this was Kurogane's story. He'd thought about it last night, and he was sticking to it.

He forked some food, and looked back at Yuui's parents. "Our first date, we went to the movies." There, that was one of Fai's stories. "After that, we went to a café... and he kissed me, then."

"Fai kissed you first?"

"Yes, do tell," Yuui said. "I haven't heard this story."

"Ahh... haha... he was cute, it was mutual," Fai said.

Wait a second, had the chemist gone pink? Kurogane leaned over, narrowing his eyes.

"Kuro-sama," Fai exclaimed, leaning away. "What are you doing, sweetie?"

Oh. He was definitely blushing. This was worth it in _so_ many ways, okay. "Nothing. Babe." He frowned slightly, shook his head, and turned back to dinner. "Anyway... First date and first kiss."

"Love at first sight," Fai added. He could bounce back quick.

"I missed a lot," Yuui commented, "while I wasn't working here, didn't I?"

Kurogane looked across the table at him. "You haven't even heard half of it, Yuui-sensei."

"I can imagine."

"Oh, I think we can all imagine the trouble Fai gets into," Laika said, although not without fondness in her voice.

Kurogane grunted in reply, nodding as he turned back to dinner.

The conversation dwindled, and turned to lighter topics, thinking about the Flourite family that Kurogane couldn't contribute to, but trust that he took in every detail about it. Fai wasn't one to talk about his family, or even much of his personal life.

"He had a girlfriend in school," Laika was saying.

"Okay, mother!" Fai interrupted. "It was a bad decision!"

 _Girlfriend?_ That piqued Kurogane's interest, but more than that, Yuui had turned away, snickering. Yuui wasn't prone to expressive bursts of emotion.

"Brother! _No_."

Yuui smiled against his knuckles, shaking his head.

"What?" Kurogane asked.

"Nothing."

And yet, Yuui didn't smile like that at school.

"What," Kurogane demanded.

Yuui startled him by bursting out laughing; if it had been Fai, Kurogane would have been across the table, strangling him.

" _Tell_ me." Their past wasn't his business, but if they were going to dangle it in front of him like a carrot.

"He took a girl to _a dance_ ," Yuui laughed.

"Not by choice!"

"And she tried to-"

"Parents, Yuui!" Fai interrupted.

"We know the story," Laika said. "To be fair, honey, you weren't exactly shy about it."

"She did things! I was thirteen!"

"She _kissed_ you," Yuui said.

Kurogane raised his eyebrows.

"She... tried to do other things," Fai grumbled.

"Put her hand up your shirt," Yuui remarked.

"I don't like girls!" Fai spluttered.

"Never?" Kurogane asked.

Now Fai looked over at him, still pink in the face and now almost confused. "What?"

Kurogane leaned back. "You never have told me. If you dated women."

Fai frowned. "... Er, yeah. But not..." He glanced at his parents and then leaned over to Kurogane. "Not seriously," he said quietly.

"One night stands?" Kurogane guessed.

"Shh!"

Kurogane rolled his eyes. "Uh huh. Sure."

Fai huffed a bit and leaned back into his own personal space. "Okay, enough of Fai's childhood time~" he announced. "Let's talk about Yuui!"

Now it was the other Flourite's brother turn to splutter over his drink. "I think it's time to bring out dessert! Fai, kitchen, now? Mom and Dad brought a cake and all, I could use your help."

Fai laughed. "Yeah, you can't handle chocolate cake on your own." He stood up, grinning. "Like you don't make a cake at least once a week in your class."

Kurogane stood. "I can get the dishes-"

"Nevermind that. Sit down, son," Kaede interrupted.

"Ah..." Kurogane glanced towards the kitchen, where Fai and Yuui had already vanished into. Lots of help. Kurogane sat. "Yeah?"

"What are your intentions towards my son?"

Kurogane stared.

 _None!_ Except... ah, hell, what were his intentions supposed to be? Had Fai spun some story about getting married and growing old together or something? It sounded like something he'd do, so... what did Kurogane say?

"I..."

 _Earth to Kurogane_. Fai and Yuuko'd made him watch enough trashy romance movies that he ought to be able to come up with something.

"Honestly, nothing." Which was the truth, the whole truth, and- _the wrong truth_ , evidently, going by that look he got from both of Fai's parents. Kurogane rolled his eyes to himself. "Look, I mean. He's... important to me." That was true enough. He glanced up towards the doorway again, briefly, and looked back at Laika and Kaede. "I want to do what he wants to do. I don't want to push things too hard, or leave them alone for too long. I just want him to be happy. I'll do whatever he needs to be happy. _Tch_ , who am I kidding, this doesn't sound anything but washed up and confused," he grumbled. _Truth, truth again!_

Laika laughed, looping her arm with her husband's. "Love makes you confused, Kurogane-san."

"... Yeah," Kurogane muttered.

"But it's clear that you and Fai care for each other very much," Laika continued. "We're glad that he found someone like you to take care of him. Just remember to take care of yourself, too. Our Fai wouldn't like it if you changed _you_ for _him_."

"No." Kurogane shook his head. "We don't change _for_ each other. Not like that. We might... change each other, by our interactions, but we still remain true to ourselves. I couldn't change, and I wouldn't want Fai to, either. He's... he's good the way he is."

"Aw."

Kurogane looked up at the blondes in the doorway, frowning a little when he realized that they had been eavesdropping.

"It's not nice to eavesdrop, Fai, Yuui," Kaede reprimanded, and Kurogane agreed with a glare over his water at the more rambunctious of the twins.

"I didn't intend to~" Fai returned to his seat at the table, brushing his fingers against Kurogane's shoulder. Kurogane stared at the spot where they'd been. "But I'm glad I did!" Fai continued, and beamed at Kurogane.

Kurogane grumbled and turned away.

"Okay, then, how about dessert!"

  


  


Kurogane realized his mistake after dessert had been consumed and he had helped with the dishes and they were sprawled out around the table. Fai's head was on his shoulder. Kurogane didn't know when it had happened, but he had bigger problems at hand. At stomach.

It was mostly his own fault; when he ate with Yuui or Fai, they _knew_ about things, like, you know, _lactose intolerance_ and their parents... did not.

Kurogane turned his head. "... Oi. Chemist."

Fai looked away from whatever story Yuui was reminiscing over. "Hmm?" he hummed lazily.

"Should be getting home."

Fai frowned and sat up slightly. "What? Why?"

"... Stomach ache." That was the lamest excuse in the book.

Fai apparently thought so, too, going by the look he gave him. "Kuro-puu."

"It's the truth!" Kurogane growled. "Your parents made that cake from scratch, didn't they?"

"Yeah, so?"

Kurogane glared. _Think, chemist. What are you always taunting me about?_ Wait, that was a broad question, honestly-

Fai gasped. "Oh my God, my parents poisoned you!" he whispered, sitting up the rest of the way. Kurogane rolled his eyes. Not far from the truth. "The cake," Fai continued, "ahh... I didn't even think about the cake, I mean, we do dairy-free when we cook for you but-"

Kurogane sighed. "Your parents didn't poison me. It was my fault, anyway. I wasn't thinking. I just... really do have a stomach ache, so I hope whatever _this_ was, was enough to convince your parents you weren't lying. Which you are," he added.

"Ugh, I know, okay. Hang on, I'm sorry." Fai rubbed his forehead. "Give me a sec." He reached for his phone, tapping out a message effortlessly while Kurogane watched on listlessly. He was never good at that texting thing. He then started talking, to his parents, but Kurogane noticed when Yuui tilted his head, not at the conversation, and dug his phone out of his pocket. He blinked a couple times and then looked at Kurogane from across the table. Fai must have been texting him about it.

Lovely.

"Oh, gosh, look at how late it's gotten!" Yuui commented, so suddenly that Kurogane, even expecting _anything_ at this point, jumped. "Kurogane-san, don't you have the physical fitness tests coming up? Fai told me that you came straight here and didn't get a chance to set things up."

"Er-" What the hell was he talking about? Fitness tests weren't until-

Fai nudged him.

 _Oh_. "Yeah, I probably should..." Kurogane said, catching on. "If you don't mind, I mean."

"Nope!" Fai jumped in. "Tomorrow's not Sunday, so we all have work to prepare, actually." He stood up, holding his hand down to Kurogane. "We got so caught up. Time flies and all!"

Kurogane grumbled beneath his breath, taking his hand. "Thank you..."

"Oh, Kurogane-san, we didn't mean to keep you," Laika said as she stood.

Kurogane shook his head a bit. "It's really fine. It was a pleasure to meet you, Laika-san, Kaede-san." He stepped away from Fai and held out his hand to his parents. Could they be done with this now? He just wanted to go home and sleep and forget all about this.

"Likewise, Kurogane-san," Kaede said, taking his hand. Ugh, he was looking at him way too closely. Kurogane just wanted to get outside before he keeled over, at least. The night _had_ gone well. ... The night _had_ gone well, hadn't it?

Nope, he was gonna puke. Maybe not literally, but he felt like it.

Maybe Fai noticed. "Come on, Kuro-run~" he said, grabbing his arm to nearly drag him to the door. "Look, I-"

"Shhh! Don't ruin this after all of the trouble," Kurogane muttered. "They're watching us still."

Fai frowned, reaching up to press his hand against Kurogane's cheek. It almost seemed to come natural, and Kurogane wondered what the hell he was doing. "If I can shake them, I'll stop by later."

Kurogane shook his head. "No. I'll be fine, just... visit with your parents."

Fai sighed, and his hand fell away from Kurogane's face. "... Okay."

Kurogane huffed. "Well, don't look sad, they'll be suspicious. Get it together, chemist." He ruffled his hair.

Fai ducked out the way. "Ahhh~ Kuro-sama, stop!" Although it was a tiny bit less enthusiastic than before.

Kurogane rolled his eyes again and opened the door. "... See you tomorrow."

"Yep. And, you know, thanks for coming over... and everything."

"Yeah." Kurogane took a step, and then turned around again. "Fai?"

Fai glanced back at him, eyebrows knitting in confusion. "Huh?"

Kurogane leaned over and pressed his lips against the blonde's.

Good acting made the performance, right? ... Maybe that was what Fai had been doing when he'd been caressing his face, or whatever. Argh, don't ask him. He didn't know what he was doing!

Fai looked shocked and tense all at once, and then blushing, blushing, fingers flying to his lips as Kurogane stepped outside.

"... Night," he muttered gruffly, and started the trek from Fai's place to his own. He didn't look back, and only pressed his own hand against his mouth when he was out of eyeshot, certain his face wasn't only hot because of feeling sick.

He was going to die tonight, whether of lactose intolerance or embarassment.

Definitely. Dig his grave right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which 'I'm not feeling well', actually is a damn good reason to leave. (Poor Kuro-sama.)


	3. Act III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so they face the morning after.
> 
>  
> 
> **After**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter, ahoy~

"Kurogane-sensei!"

"Oh, not this-"

Yuuko appeared out of literally nowhere. "Kurogane-sensei! Details," she wheedled, grabbing his arm.

"Watch it!" he growled, eyeing his coffee as it sloshed precariously close to the edge.

"I haven't seen Fai-sensei yet... why do you look so tired??"

Kurogane took a step back. "Because I slept for about two hours, that's why!"

"Why~?" Yuuko trilled, poking his chest. "Did you spend the night with Fai-sensei?" She gasped, theatrically. "Did you two consummate your relationship??"

" _No!_ "

He really didn't have the mental state for this. Or the lingering effects from last night, as far as his physical health went. He just wanted to go to his office and drink his black coffee and _not_ fake date Fai anytime soon.

"Kuro-kun-sensei!"

"Kurogane-sensei."

"Fai-sensei, Yuui-sensei!" Yuuko trilled, latching onto the former. "How did last night go, Kurogane-sensei won't tell me _anything_!"

"Oh, great! Kuro-san-sensei was... well, he was amazing, really! Ahaha~"

" _Really_??? What did he say? What did your parents say?"

"Well-"

"Are you okay, Kurogane-sensei?" Yuui asked, leaving his brother and Yuuko to join Kurogane instead.

Kurogane grimaced, but hid it in his coffee. "Yeah."

"Neither of us thought about it," Yuui murmured. "I was in the kitchen, I should have remembered to ask."

Kurogane shrugged. "You cook for me, what, a few times a month? You aren't in charge of remembering, that's on me. It was a stupid mistake, and I paid up for it," he muttered, and took a drink of his coffee.

"Ah, well... I'm glad that you're okay." Yuui glanced over at Yuuko and Fai. "Our parents did like you."

"Did they?" Kurogane side-eyed him. "That's good."

"They wanted to see you again if they could, but Fai made his excuses that were busy today with the... fitness tests."

Kurogane rolled his eyes. "This whole thing was ridiculous."

Yuui frowned. "Should I have said something else?"

"Ah. No." Kurogane literally wanted to drown himself in his coffee. "What you said was fine. It worked."

"Oh." Yuui smiled. "That's good." Yuui pushed the glasses up the bridge of his nose, and looked at Kurogane intently. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Kurogane nodded. "Yeah."

"Whoops!" Fai announced, peeling away from Yuuko. "I just remembered something I forgot to tell Kuro-sama-sensei last night~ Kuro-kun-sensei~" Fai latched onto Kurogane's arm, and although Kurogane's coffee almost spilled for the second time, the gym teacher didn't have it him to complain again. "Come on, let's go to your office and talk!"

"Chemist..." Kurogane sighed. If it didn't scream _implication!_ , he would have just taken the whole day off. He really didn't feel up to this.

"Well, I didn't figure you wanted Yuuko-sensei taunting you all morning." Fai let go of him once they were in his office. "Are you okay, then?"

"Fine," he grumbled, dropping into his chair.

"Are you sure?" Fai sat on the corner of the desk, looking down at him. "I was going to come over, but Yuui said... I shouldn't."

"Yeah, good you didn't."

Fai sighed.

"Don't look so defeated," Kurogane said, after a moment. "The whole night's a bust if you're not happy."

The smile flitted back to Fai's lips as though directly controlled by Kurogane's words, although it was a poor imitation of the real thing. "You were great, though; my parents totally fell for it, hands down. They want to know when we're getting married." And there the grin was a tiny bit more realistic, as the humor flared back into Fai's glacial eyes. "I told them it depended on when you propose."

Kurogane slumped back in the chair. "Better come up with a good break-up story, then. One that they won't kill me for."

Fai gasped a little. "You mean you won't pretend to be my fake husband one day???"

"No." Shut that down, immediately, before it had time to fester and grow.

Fai chuckled, bracing his hands on the desk. "Yeah... but um, thanks, Kuro-tan. I appreciate it!"

"Yeah yeah." And it hadn't been completely horrible, like Kurogane had thought. But he couldn't say, or he really _would_ be playing Fai's husband one of these days.

"You were really convincing~"

"Uh huh."

"You even surprised me!"

Kurogane looked up at him, uncomprehending for all of three seconds while he looked at the blonde and the blonde looked at him. And then, again, as though prompted into movement by each other's actions, Kurogane felt the embarrassment settle in around his ears and he turned back to his coffee simultaneously as Fai jolted away from his desk and jumped back to his feet.

... What the hell was that, anyway?

"Ahhh, class is about to start and I have to set up a lab!" Fai ran his fingers through his hair, twirling the ends of it around his fingertips.

"Irresponsible," Kurogane bit off, and busied himself with gulping the last of his coffee and getting up.

"At least I didn't have to leave in the middle of a date to set up a physical fitness test," Fai replied coyly, and grinned at him when he turned around.

"Ha, ha. Go set up your lab, chemist." He reached over to slide his fingers into Fai's blonde locks to ruffle it up, it was already a mess, anyway.

"Kuro-puu! That hurts!"

Kurogane huffed a laugh, and flicked his head gently. "Go."

"So~ ruuude~" Fai trilled, swatting at his hand.

" _Class_ ," Kurogane repeated, pressing his lips together against the smile. The last thing the idiot needed was encouragment.

"I'm _going_! See you at lunch~?"

It was a question that went unanswered, as Fai brushed his hand against Kurogane's arm only for a moment before bounding out, leaving the P.E. teacher staring at the place the chemist's hand had been.

"..."

What the hell was happening to him?

"Gonna need something stronger than coffee," he muttered, striding out of his office.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all! No follow-up chapter, I'll leave you all to imagine the awkward as hell, stiflingly strong, complete and utter stronger-than-usual UST that's bound to follow. ~~meanwhile yuuko's there all like 'you banged amirite'~~
> 
> A _huge _thank you to PokeChan for this idea because writing these boys is amazing, and writing them in Horitsuba!verse is a nice, angst-free change (and I got to write Yuui-san, too!). You're a joy, and I hoped you liked this as much as you wanted to like it? Like I hoped it filled the void in your life? xDD__
> 
> Seriously though, kudos for all the support, I love all you guys~ More TRC to come, for sure. (Some in the works, tbh, but I gotta get further on my massive crossover before I post new multi-chapters xD) 
> 
> I do not own _Horitsuba Gakuen_. Thanks for reading~


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